Food Bloopers

This is a gluten-free buttermilk biscuit.

No, really, it is.

It’s just vertically challenged.

Don’t laugh. It has feelings. And so do I.

I had a sense of foreboding as I put these in the oven. I just knew. And so, while I wasn’t at all surprised that they exited the oven looking like frisbees, I was still as deflated as they are. I guess I’d hoped against hope that they would magically puff up while I wasn’t looking. Even though I stared at them through the oven door the entire time, willing them to rise.

I wish I could claim that this is some anomaly, that there was a full moon or something responsible for this. But the truth is that for every gluten-free baked good that I successfully make, there are at least two or three previous attempts that had to be trashed. With those kinds of odds, you’ve got to find a way to work through the pain. So here you go.

The Stages of Grief and Healing After You’ve Committed a Food Blooper:

1. Anger. Food mistakes are expensive. Last time I checked, butter doesn’t grow on trees.

2. Shame. You should be better than this. You play a gluten-free food blogger on the Internet.

3. Defensiveness. But gluten-free baking is unchartered territory. Nobody’s doing it or writing about it. Nobody. There are absolutely no gluten-free bloggers or cookbooks. And besides, I can’t use binders like xanthan gum. Curse Nacho Man!

4. Acknowledgement. Hey, we all make mistakes.

5. Finding the Bright Side. They tasted divine. Crumbly, buttery, light. The kids asked for seconds.

6. Acceptance. Nobody’s perfect. Get over yourself. Learn and move on.

7. Peer Pressure. Wouldn’t food blogs be more interesting if we all posted more mistakes?

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